do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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