I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
