I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
