I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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