i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
