i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
