Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
