Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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