Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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