dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
