im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
