Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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