dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
