I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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