I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
