i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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