i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
