This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
