Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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