oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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