If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
