I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
