just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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