Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
