The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
