who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
