Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
