Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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