just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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