Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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