Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
