I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
