tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
