Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
