My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
