I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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