Me too!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
