I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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