My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
