i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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