eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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