Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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