if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
