Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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