I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
