Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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