I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
