I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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