new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
