I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
