All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
