can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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