The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
