you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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