She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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