We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
