Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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