How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
