I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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